Will Durst on Christine O'Donnell: Throw her in the water...if she doesn't melt or float...

Brilliant Will Durst sends out an email each week with his commentary. It is one of the few missives that I welcome with regularity. This is not on his website, but it can be found in it's entirety at Cagle Cartoons

Here are choice excerpts

She's in the attic

...Christine O’Donnell is a lock for Best Newcomer in the Heavyweight Mocking Division. In less than a week she managed to introduce both witchcraft and masturbation into the national conversation. Sex AND religion. Or at least, variations on the themes...

...To say that her past may harbor some glitches is similar to intimating that David Bowie went through a few ch- ch- changes. O’Donnell doesn’t just have skeletons in her closet, she has the entire bone army from the 7^thVoyage of Sinbad. Makes the Cambodian Killing Fields look like a day care pre school toy box...

...Now the former marketing consultant claims not to be a witch ignoring the simple, trusted, time- tested trial. Throw her in the water. If she doesn’t melt or float, no problem. Of course if she does melt and/ or doesn’t float her chances of getting elected shrink dramatically. Notwithstanding Mel Carnahan who won a Missouri Senate race operating under the handicap of being somewhat deadish. But that was way back in 2000. Voters are more discerning now...

...Founder of The Savior’s Alliance to Lift the Truth, she cites the Bible for her theory that lust in one’s heart constitutes adultery and one can’t practice masturbation without lust, ergo, that too is adultery. Going to disappoint a lot of ones who specifically engage in the former to lessen susceptibility to the latter. Although today, you can’t peruse a print ad much less watch Sesame Street without experiencing a soupcon of lust. S is for soupcon!

 

Mama Grizzly’s protégé apparently forgot about a federal tax lien on her house and has been accused of criminally mismanaging campaign money. By Republicans. Who know a thing or two about criminal mismanagement. She also said she would never EVER lie even if Nazis asked her where Anne Frank was hiding. “God will work it out. She’s in the Attic!” When we can’t lie to Nazis, only Nazis will tell lies.

Comments

[antpoppa]

Reference Jonathon ‘The Impaler ‘Sharkey. A documentary of a vampire running for Governor of Minnesota, voiced over by Bill Press.

I am glad she has found a more suburban religious demagoguery. The Christian thing has proved more profitable, and faithheads can be found everywhere in the Republican Party.
Ride Ride Christina Ride
Ride on your big Dinosaur
Republican Party

[Charlie UnSykes]

The Republican establishment didn't take her candidacy seriously. I hope the Democrats don't make the same mistake.

[Jonathon Moseley, 2008 Campaign Manager]

a) Christine's comments in 1996 on MTV -- which were a reaction to a statement by a youth pastor in the crowd gathered around and not on her own initiative -- are standard Catholic doctrine.

Boy, don't you sound stupid....?

You didn't know that what Christine said has been traditional Catholic doctrine for 2,000 years, or at least for 1950 years?

So, let us get this straight: Christine knows more than you do, and you don't realize we are laughing at you (not Christine)?

b) As you would have known had you checked, Christine appealed the IRS tax lien... AND WON.

NO TAXES OWED.

She took on the IRS, and beat the IRS.

She had no taxes to pay and the IRS admitted Christine was right and the IRS was wrong.

Check it out:

[Ty O'Mara]

I agree, it is not going to be a cake walk for the Democrats in this rarified political atmosphere. Anger rules the day. Here are my 8 rules for the Dems to follow to victory in November.
1. Always quote Ken Mehlman or Mary Cheney when ansering any questions about gay marriage.
2. If your opponent is a witch, tarot card reader, Ouiga Board practioner, psychic reader, or any other occultist: wear these ruby red slippers and anytime you're in trouble, repeat three times, "There's no place like home."
3. If you want to win, you'll need a good campaign manager. One that will stand behind you and be loyal to you. Just off the top of my mind....lets see, umm...ahh....Oh yeah, a Jonathan Moseley type will do, for sure.
4. Don't get sucked into any televised conversations with youth pastors.
5. Remember, Boehner is pronounced, {Bay ner}.
6. If anyone asks your stance on masturbation, just roll your eyes back in your head, tilt your head way back, make a pumping motion with your closed fist and say,"Next question please." (Note: This will make women candidates look tough and savvy).
7. Whatever you do, don't get rule #5 and rule #6 mixed up.
8. If you're a Tea Party candidate and doing well in the polls, and completely out of money. Come back, come back to Jamaica, mon. Back to the Democratic party where you belong. You belong here; just don't be long.

[Ex Alderman Steve]

Dear Charlie and Johnnie:

I **do** take Christine O'Donnell seriously. Seriously. I think she is seriously funny. I can't wait until next friday night when Bill Maher trots out yet another video of the divine Ms. O'Donnell. What will it be this time? Speaking in tongues?

[Ex-Alderman Steve]

Yo Johnnie!!!

Dude! So now it turns out your candidate didn't go to Oxford as she asserted on LinkedIn?

http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/09/christine-odonnell-lies-about-attending-oxford-university.php?ref=fpa

Isn't there a commandment or something that has something to say about bearing false witness?

Seriously funny...

[Charlie UnSykes]

Steve, I'm no fan of O'Donnell; I think she's a joke. I just don't want Coons to take anything for granted and assume he has the election in the bag. He needs to make sure all his supporters get out and vote.